Recently, I was listening to the We Gotta Thing podcast, and something really interesting came up: the idea of being “Swolly,” or both a swinger and polyamorous. Basically, it’s about being in the swinger lifestyle but also moving toward, or embracing, elements of polyamory. I’ve seen this happen with quite a few couples — what starts as casual play evolves into deeper connections, and sometimes those connections lead into poly territory.
What really struck me, though, was how this transition often opens the door to a bigger conversation — autonomy. Are you craving the space to experience something beyond your current relationship structure? Do you want to explore a part of yourself, sexually or emotionally, without having to be single? Do you want to try something new without your partner by your side, but still know they’re there, supporting you?
This hit close to home for me. Both of my partners have started flexing their autonomy — not just sexually, but in everyday life too. They’re stepping into their own power, making independent choices, and growing in ways that aren’t always tied to me. And honestly? It’s beautiful and a little terrifying. But it’s also making me reflect on how swinging, ENM, and polyamory might actually be helping all of us grow emotionally.
Could this path be helping us mature? Is the freedom to explore autonomy actually bringing people closer, not further apart? Is it making us stronger, more confident in ourselves, and more secure in our relationships?
These are the questions I’m sitting with lately. Because autonomy doesn’t have to mean disconnection. In fact, it might just be the thing that helps us build deeper connections — with others, and with ourselves.
So, how do you see it? What’s your relationship with autonomy, or your partner’s autonomy? Has it brought growth, tension, or maybe both?
Let’s talk about it.
